Hard knocks

Life sends plenty of hard knocks your way, and under ordinary circumstances, you get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving along.
But how do you handle life when it sends a sucker punch to your gut?
About three weeks ago my family and I were the unfortunate recipients of said sucker punch.
It was quick, sharp, unbearable and the lingering pain left us in total dismay. In fact, if I’m being completely honest I don’t think that we’re entirely over the shock.

Three weeks ago my mother was admitted to the hospital over an unfortunate bout of rectal bleeding. At first the docs were hopeful that it would be nothing more than hemorrhoids. But when test results and bloodwork came back, it all pointed to more testing including a colonoscopy. After additional testing was done they discovered a tumor around the rectum as well as a mass in a lymphnode. At which point they diagnosed her to be in stage three anal cancer.
However; with this particular kind of cancer, the survival rate in advanced stages are high. With hers its 70 to 80 percent, which is amazing. My family and I are so grateful for that, and it’s one thing that’s keeping all of us in positive spirits.

On the flip side of the coin she has to undergo 6 weeks of chemo and radiation therapy. Both five days a week, Monday through Friday.

What scares me, is that she has a weakened immune system and because of where they have to administer the radiation treatments, she’s at an increased risk of infection. Not to mention the number that the chemo treatments are going to be doing.
I’m just scared, nervous and over all freaked, because she’s got such a difficult 6 weeks coming up. And I’ve got to be positive for her, which I’ve been and will continue to be.

But at night when my mind won’t quit racing, is when the nerves and the worries set in.
With the, how are we going to get her through this?
Can we keep her from winding up in the hospital?
Will we be able to keep her hydrated?
And, will she get enough sleep?
In my heart, I know that we will be able to help her through it, and that she will get through this.
Its just difficult.
Right now I’ve got an online shopping cart full of supplies for the upcoming weeks, that I’ve been putting off purchasing; because then it feels real.
Not that the doctors appointments and the radiation tattoos haven’t already thrust us into the reality of it.
It’s just difficult and something that you hope no one, especially your mother would ever have to go through.


Are you ready?

Twenty-three and barely free.

Set down a path, that society, has brainwashed into her head.

Marriage, white picket fence, and 2.5 kids. Tell me, is this what you had planned?

Here we go, it’s the same old pitch.

The diamond ring is dazzling, and you’re positive that he is everything.

The man who will be there. So, sure that when you say yes, he’ll be yours forever,

Sacrificing. Through sickness and health, and through it all, his eyes remain on you.

Here we go, we go.

No, no.

You think you’re bound; for the fairytale ending, as you receive the key; that you’ve been told will make you happy.

Lady why can’t you see? Your stupidity is bothering me.

Here we go, we go.

No, no.

(Chorus Are you ready?

To tolerate, the noises; that get under your skin.

Are you prepared?

For the arguments, that lead to compromises; where no one wins.

Are you ready?

For broken promises, rescheduled dates, and all of that shit.

Tell me, is this what love truly is?)

If so, I think I’ll pass on the traditional route.

Don’t care if you think I’m weird. Your approval means less and less.

The lone wolf sounds better in retrospect.

Societal path break free, break free.

The ordinary, is not for me.

Lady why don’t you slow down? And, take it easy.

Why bite the bullet? When there’s more to life; than the white picket fence. I’m telling you, you’re still too fresh and far young.

Why not, try again; when you’re thirty-one.

A few years wiser, I promise you’ll have found the one.

Here we go, we go.

No, no.

(Chorus Are you ready?

To tolerate, the noises that get under your skin.

Are you prepared?

For the arguments, that lead to compromises; where no one wins.

Are you ready?

For broken promises, rescheduled dates, and all of that shit.

Tell me, is this what love truly is?)

Here we go, we go.

No, no.

No thanks, I think I’m all set.

Bills check

I’m not entirely sure why doing a task like paying household bills excites me ??? I know half of it, has more to do with relief, like yes the water bill’s covered now onto the oil bill. Most recently it’s been the oil bills, which if you’re more from a Western state, like I am originally. You have a tendency to take advantage of the fact that your ways of heating your home are more up to date, and therefore less expensive. However if you’re an Northern East Coaster, you’re use to the idea of paying for oil services. In which case you know the stress, and or headache induced; when you need to call an oil company for any reason. Be it,  to service tanks, boilers, or fulling the tank, it’s never a fun experience.

Usually any oil company I’ve used you have to pay in advance for service, because they typically don’t just bill you. At times over the years this sort of business practice would burn major financial holes in my wallet… Until today that is. This morning I was fortunate enough to try Tasse’s. I figured that I had good luck with them for my plumbing needs so why not try to see if they can help with issues that I was having with a couple of my boilers. Wouldn’t you know it, they’re actually amazing; they bill me instead of instantly charging my debit card, and they give you discounts if you use them for both of your plumbing and heating needs. I think that I’m actually falling in love with my heating company. It’s such a relief to know that if I were to have a heating emergency that they’ll actually help instead of telling me… “You’re card needs a minimum balance of $200  dollars or more, in order for us to send out a tech.” I mean sometimes, and especially considering this time of year, you might not have that kind of cash instantly available. Then your house is like a walk in freezer for two weeks, all because the oil company needs the cash up front. I am so happy with this new company and am feeling so relieved.

Though I haven’t paid this oil bill yet, it’s good to know that I can do so in a more convenient matter. So yay Tasse’s thank you for actually providing me with your services.


A short glimpse

Hey everybody, I’ve been working on this short story for the past few days. (Still a WIP,) but I thought that I might actually try submitting. There’s no title to this piece but I thought I’d give you a peek. I hope you find it interesting.


The Autumn air, (still feeling like a warm summer day) whooshed past her face as she pumped her legs moving upward on the swing. There’s was something so peaceful about being on the swings, they could calm her thoughts even on her worst day. Today had been terrible, for the horrid teacher that she had suffered through last year, had followed her to eighth grade English. Ms. Nielson had picked up right where she had left off from the previous year, with the exception of changing curriculum. Instead of studying authors like Louis Sacher, and Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn. They were now digging into memoirs, and History, like the Holocaust and reading The Diary of Anne Frank. How she longed for next year when they would be introduced to Shakespeare, or more accurately, Romeo & Juliet. Nielson had picked up right where she had left off, her voice ringing with clear fury, and her frustration showing even more easily in her old age. Why they don’t just let the old bat go; but then the word she despised popped into her head, tenure. For the next few years Nielson would have a permanent residence in the English department of Prescott Junior High, continuing to torture both students and staff with her nasty attitude. Just this year, just get through this year and you’ll never have to tolerate the old bitch again. Nielson might have been granted to torture the lower classmen but the upperclassmen got teachers like Parker, Long, and Kelly, all who were as even tempered as possible and young.

She glimpsed up at the blue mountain backdrop, (a gorgeously, magnificent sight that only The Rockies could provide.) She drifted willingly and happily. She could smell the rich mountain air, and see the Rockies as they were meant to be seen; up close and surrounding her in every direction. She could see the trail, unchanged, the Columbines blooming along it’s edges, as if they were guiding her up the trail. A light breeze brushed against her and pine trees provided shade from the sun overhead. If only she could stay in this memory, but at the very least the memory had served its purpose. To wash away what had clung to her conscious mind, since the guidance counselor had presented her with her class schedule. Now she could go home, now she could stand to be around her parents and deal with whatever might transpire.

“Roxy, Hey girl.”

Roxy broke her stare from the distant blue mountains and looked down the park’s fence alleyway, where Crystal emerged from, smiling broadly.

“Hey Crystal,” Roxy greeted, but showed no signs of slowing down, as her legs took in another pump of the air.

“You know something, every time I come to the park you’re always on the swings.”

“I like to lose myself on them,” she said flatly.

“Me too,” said Crystal, as she mounted the other available swing, next to Roxy.

Roxy felt a wave of annoyance and displeasure wash over her.

“So how’d your first day back go?” Crystal asked then added, “Mine was long and boring.”

“It was all right,” she said, not caring enough to mention her dislike to find out that she had Nielson for another year.

“I’ve got homework already, Nielson,” Crystal continued.

Oh thanks for reminding me, homework on the first day, what kind of teacher gives a homework assignment on the first day back. At least it’s easy. Roxy thought as Crystal’s continued yammering began to sound like static from a radio.

A few minutes later Crystal dismounted from the swing set only to head over to the jungle gym to climb on the monkey bars, still yammering about subjects such as school friends, and her folks. At least that’s what Roxy assumed. Every once in a while when she would tune Crystal back in. At which point Roxy would say “Yeah, that’s ridiculous, or parents are weird.”

It had been shortly after Crystal had dismounted from the swings that Roxy first noticed her. She recognized her instantly. It was that curly haired new girl, she’d seen her around the neighborhood a few weeks before school began, and she seemed different, compared the other girls in the neighborhood; she kept to herself, and seemed shy. But there was something else about this girl that had nothing to do with the vibes she put off, no it was something unrecognizable to Roxy. It almost felt like a question with the answer visible, but still far too blurred to properly see it. So she knew the thing was there and yet, blank.