Tonight I made the mistake of being bored out of my mind, and this lead me to YouTube, which then lead to watching author interviews. After watching one I decided to go upstairs into my office, pull out the old laptop, and look at Dreamer; my 43,000 something of a half written novel that I haven’t touched in 8 months. I read as far as the first paragraph and then closed the document. The first paragraph was so dreadful that I think it may have actually frightened me.
I worked on that book for a good year, I want to say and when I looked back on it today, AHH! I’m pretty sure that, that particular book is one that you sometimes just end up tossing aside and giving up on, either because you come to realize that the story isn’t going anywhere, or you just simply hate it after a while. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about this book, nor can I fully remember what made me stop working on it. The one thing that I do know for certain is that the idea for the book came at a very awkward time in my life. My grandmother had just passed, there was loads of family drama BS going on, and at that time the very idea of starting over with Jenny Mac seemed next to impossible. Basically that story came at a very low point in my life, not the lowest, but low. If I had read further than the first paragraph I’m sure that would have shown clearly through the writing.
I find it so amazing sometimes what you can find yourself writing at low points of your life, and let me tell you it is just as if not more astounding where you find yourself as a writer when things are actually going – well I don’t want to say that they’re going fabulous, or even well because I feel like it may very well jinx me, but things are okay. I mean it’s the Holiday season and this year I have so much that I’m thankful for and so much in my life that have come around full circle, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this. For me it’s usually crappy, shit, shitty, and shittier there was never really any stability. Now I have a house, food in the fridge, and this Jenny Mac book that I know is going to be amazing, because the ideas that are coming to me are so amazing. It’s amazing how life can surprise you in such a positive way, that you still wake up every morning and think, is this all real?
And it’s amazing how much one terrible book experience can make you think and ramble on for 463 words. I feel like I’m going to be doing this and feeling these sort of emotions a lot as I go along and look back on how my life used to be, it’s just so crazy.