Half of my life

When I first came back and posted my first song I mentioned that I had a few more songs to go with Sentenced for life, and today I wanted to post the next song.

I’ve told you all this before, that since my grandmother passed I’ve taken a look at not only my life but at the lives of those closest to me. While gone from my blog I had a lot of demons from my past pop up and this one that will be talked about in this song, was actually inspired by Macklemore’s Half of Us interview. If you would like to check it out here’s the link…  http://www.halfofus.com/video/macklemore/

 

 

3 years old and already I knew that there was something not quite right with you, slurring your words, sounding loopy; just out of it completely. 1993 there was no comfort, there was always fear and for the past 20 years I’ve walked into your bedroom witnessing the same scene. TV on shades drawn and you’re immersed into your own darkness. Depression, mixed with pain killers laying on your nightstand, and a big gulp sitting beside half empty pill bottles.

It’s never been a pretty picture, not knowing whether or not you’ll live to see another day, or will these demons have finally consumed you, to the point of no return.

That fear always use to paralyze me to the point where I could barely sleep, just wondering about the unknown and praying that today would be the that you would finally wake and realize.

(Chorus for half of my life these pills have consumed me. In control of my every waking moment, they owned me. For years there has been no escape from the Darvocet and Codeine, just a rocket ship blasting me away to my own planet. Only coming back down to earth when I ran out and then it’s another trip to pharmacy. Pulling up to the drive thru at Walgreens and ordering from the pharmacist like he was taking my order at Burger King.

(Can I get a whopper and some onion rings?)

No, not for another minute will I run off to the pharmacy and pop these drugs like candy. From now on I’m in control of my own destiny, and yes I will be the woman that I set out to be. The kind of mom that my kids could look up to, no longer will they look at me in disgust. I’m going to be the hero and no longer a pathetic druggie.)

That was what I sincerely wished, but you keep poking and prodding, thinking that you still have time. My sister once said you’re like a cat with multiple lives, but if you keep pushing soon your luck will run out.

Because after all you only get so many chances.

Most people are only lucky enough in this life to get a second chance and you’ve had a million of em plus one. Tell me Ma when is that sudden realization going to come? When will you wake up from this insanity, rise up and flush those mother fuckers down the toilet like you ought to be.

Will you go outside into the sunshine and finally see the light?

(Chorus for half of my life these pills have consumed me. In control of my every waking moment, they owned me. For years there has been no escape from the Darvocet and Codeine, just a rocket ship blasting me away to my own planet. Only coming back down to earth when I ran out and then it’s another trip to pharmacy. Pulling up to the drive thru at Walgreens and ordering from the pharmacist like he was taking my order at Burger King.

(Can I get a whopper and some onion rings?)

No, not for another minute will I run off to the pharmacy and pop these drugs like candy. From now on I’m in control of my own destiny, and yes I will be the woman that I set out to be. The kind of mom that my kids could look up to, no longer will they look at me in disgust. I’m going to be the hero and no longer a pathetic druggie.)

Mom I hate these pills and I hate the hold they’ve got on you, I know my attempts to wake you up hasn’t worked before but I’m still hopeful.

Because I do not intend to let these pills win.

I really want you to come out this victorious, but in order to do so you’ve got to wake up and finally have that moment of clarity. Once you do we’ll be right here waiting to get you all of the way through to the other side of recovery.

(Chorus for half of my life these pills have consumed me. In control of my every waking moment, they owned me. For years there has been no escape from the Darvocet and Codeine, just a rocket ship blasting me away to my own planet. Only coming back down to earth when I ran out and then it’s another trip to pharmacy. Pulling up to the drive thru at Walgreens and ordering from the pharmacist like he was taking my order at Burger King.

(Can I get a whopper and some onion rings?)

No, not for another minute will I run off to the pharmacy and pop these drugs like candy. From now on I’m in control of my own destiny, and yes I will be the woman that I set out to be. The kind of mom that my kids could look up to, no longer will they look at me in disgust. I’m going to be the hero and no longer a pathetic druggie.

I am going to be the woman that I set out to be and beat this horrid addiction. I am going to come out of this victoriously.)

Advertisements

Insert thoughts here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s