Back to Rehab


I began writing this song a couple of days before my birthday and completed it last night. I’ve got to say I love the feel of the lyrics, the first half has a hip hop feel and the second half transitions into an R&B soul kind of feel. I hope you enjoy it.

 

I’m currently fading in and out of reality, slipping over a fantasy. I know that all of this pondering is just complete toxicity, but as long as I’ve got this paper and pen sitting right here in front of me, I figure I can at least do some homemade therapy.

A broken heart is nothing a little songwriting couldn’t solve, hell maybe this one will earn me a Grammy.

I feel like I’ve lost my ability to think logically cause chica I swear that I’ve got you locked into almost every single one of my adolescent memories, wondering if this is how this first love shit is supposed to be.

Girl I swear that you were always the piece to complete me, even though I don’t ever think that I’ll fully understand why we went our separate ways.

I just know that I miss our movie dates.

Sitting in the back of the theater watching the latest Harry Potter, and you whispering random thoughts in my ear; me wanting so badly to hold your hand throughout the movie.

Now it’s going on my twenty-fourth Birthday and I’m wishing for you to somehow find your way back to me, that way I’d know that we were meant to be, but alas it’s just a fantasy.

Looks like its back to rehab for me.

You know we use to be so close and every time we’d see each other I could feel our connection; along with our love grow.

Ten years later we’re more like acquaintances, two ships passing in the night.

So many times I’ve tried to keep my mind from thoughts of you and I, but girl you’re like a drug that my heart can’t deny. I’d go as long as I possibly could but you’re pure heroin.

(You got me hooked.)

And I’m spiraling out of control for just one more chance at the high.

I find myself in rehab more than I care to admit and the way things are looking; I’ll have to surrender again; just hoping that this time will be the last time, the final fight.

Leaving me wanting to get on with my life, no I can’t go back to rehab, this will be the last time that you’ll ever cross my mind; I’m waving goodbye to you and I.

The 24th


Today I turned 24, whoa that’s such a weird feeling. All I’ve been able to think for the past couple of days is that I’m almost halfway through my twenties, of course when I told my sister this she had a great response. “I’m going on 36 in November but I feel twenty something, so I guess turning 24 isn’t too bad.

I do have some goals that I hope to accomplish within the next days 365 though.

1 By the time my 25th birthday rolls around I’d like to be sending Dreamer into agencies.

2 Find somebody to call my girlfriend. (I’ve been very dodgy about this for a while now so I think it’s time to get back up on the horse and try to find someone who makes me happy.)

3 To have a better understanding of the world of writing.

4 Write some kick-ass new songs.

5 Magically grow at least 4 more inches.

6 Eat healthier.

7  Make this blog more entertaining and likable.

I think that’s all of em. This birthday has been pretty good compared to the last three I was able to hangout with some friends, have a delicious cake, and I got my fair share of exercise today. So it’s been a win, win kind of birthday.

Here’s to what I hope will be a very productive and wonderful year. Here’s to 24.

The world at my feet


IMG_0292This photograph was snapped after I received my test scores for my GED tests, needless to say that I passed. As you can plainly tell from the smile on my face. Looking at this photo now brings back memories. I was 19 when this photo was taken, with a bright future ahead, and endless potential. Heck on a day like that it was the best that you could hope for.

Now, a little over four years later I still feel the same as I did then; which is either incredibly fortunate or incredibly foolish. However seeing as how I have yet to let the real world throw me into a depressive state about life, I would indeed say that I am fortunate.

On a realistic scale; others may disagree with my comment above because I am a struggling writer who’s still trying to find her voice. Though I think I’m well on my way to finding it. I may have already found it and now it’s merely a matter of pulling everything together. Much in my life has changed since that photo, but my goals remain the same; which all revolve around being published and making a career out of something that most wouldn’t dare to attempt, I guess that’s the difference between the dreamers and the realists. The dreamers are led not by fear but rather what makes them happy in life, for me it’s writing and songwriting.

In another four years I hope to look back at this photo and this post with a wide spread smile on my face, reminiscing about everything that I have been able to accomplish, see, do, be a part of, etc. Then to be able to wonder what’s next for me and what my next book will be. Will I indeed have the world at my feet?

What would you do in their shoes?


Many would handle this situation in different ways. What would your solution be?

 

“Her parents have a lot of problems. I know that you two know that they have problems, though you’re not clear on what those problems are.”

“It’s alcohol related isn’t it? You’re father and I knew it.” Mandy’s mother said with such certainty in her voice. Perhaps maybe they’d be okay with it; however Rebecca knew that a meth addiction was much worse. She crept up a couple more stairs.

“No, no it’s not alcohol related, unfortunately it’s much worse than that.” Mandy said her next sentence so quietly that Rebecca could barely hear it.

“Her father is a meth addict and her mouth addicted to cough syrup.”

The sentence cut through Rebecca’s stomach like a rusty blade, she could feel her heart sinking into her intestines.

“That’s why she trashed Rebecca’s room; because I think that she must’ve thought that Rebecca had hidden her bottle of cough syrup in there.”

It sounded as though Mandy’s mother had clapped her hand to her mouth.

“Given what I’ve seen with the dynamics of her family, I was wondering if she could stay with us until she goes off to college.”

“No, absolutely not.”

“But dad.”

“No Mandy, I know that she’s your best friend but she can’t move in here.”

“It would only be six or seven months tops.”

“Six months wouldn’t be too bad Jack”

“It’s not a matter of time Veronica.”

“Then what is it dad? I thought you guys loved Rebecca and that you loved having her here.”

“We do love her and we love having her here, but with two drug addicts, and one of them being on meth it’s too much of a risk on our part. What if they want her back? Or they do something crazy. Mandy you know how very unpredictable meth addicts are, you’ve seen enough of them at the hospital.”

“So what are we supposed to do just stand back and hope that he won’t have a psychotic mood swing and try to kill her?”

“We’ll call CPS.”

“No then she’ll be put into foster care.”

“Then you tell me what to do Mandy.”

Rebecca heard a loud thud, it sounded like Mandy’s father had pounded his fist on the kitchen table.

“Is that why she’s over here almost every night?” Mandy’s father shouted.

“Shh! You’ll wake the kids honey.”

Oh no. Were they going to kick her out? Rebecca felt vomit rise from her stomach to the top of her neck, she tried to calm herself down while at the same time trying to hear the discussion, turned argument between Mandy and her folks.

“Sometimes she really needed a place to go.”

“How often is sometimes Mandy?”

“Three or four days a week, but it was just the night.”

Rebecca heard Mandy’s father sigh and could imagine him shaking his head from irritant.

“Sweetheart, if, if life is truly that bad for Rebecca to the point where she seeks safety and shelter from a friend and her family, then perhaps it’s best for CPS to get involved.”

“No mom, life could be even worse for her then than it is now. You know how those homes are. Besides she’ll be of age soon”

“She can stay here on nights that she really needs to, but she is not allowed to move in, so don’t come begging me to let her.”

“Alright.”

“And if I ever see anything bad like a broken bone or an open wound I’m calling CPS, and that’s that. Am I clear?”

“Yes dad thanks.”

 

???


I’m not sure what to title this post so I think that I’ll just leave the multiple question marks for the title. Last night I’m happy to report that I was indeed able to write a few pages of Dreamer before going to bed, I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with them, but whatever the most important thing is sparking your imagination and writing something, then edit the work later.

Today I spent the day painting. While cleaning out the mess left behind by my former roommates last week, I discovered that my screened in porch would actually be a good place to sit so I painted it, giving it a much needed face lift and a great relaxing feel. I want to post pictures once everything is all  done and beautified. I’m so excited about my kitchen as well because the sink and cabinetry, or shall I say lack there of, is being replaced. I’ve got to hand it to my awesome landlord, he’s doing such a great job with all of it. So once every is complete photos shall be posted, I should’ve taken before  and after shots… Oh well.

Tonight I plan on going over what I wrote for Dreamer yesterday and then hopefully if I am not too tired, continue to write more of the story. Before I begin however my puppy needs to be taken out to potty and then be put to bed.

I’ll see you all later.

Back into the swing of things


Since the cleaning and the upgrading in in my apartment is almost complete, I thought that I would celebrate the hard work with a blog post. I know that I have been considered AWOL  for the past two or three weeks; however now that all of the chaos is sorted through, taken care of, and shipped away. I will be back blogging, giving you Dreamer updates, new writing tips,  and sharing interesting new stuff that I’ve learned. I am also sure that I will no doubt embarrass myself in someway shape or form.

It feels good to be writing a post tonight, even though I’m exhausted from the past few weeks writing this post has given me an energy boost; which I’m hoping can last perhaps another hour or two because I would really like to work on Dreamer. Although considering that my vision seems to becoming more and more blurred by the moment, this may prove to be a bit difficult.

I shall give myself a little shake, rub my eyes, and press on.

Transitioning


Hey guys,

Has anybody noticed that I haven’t been around in the blogging universe lately? I’m just a tad curious.

At the moment I am in transition, I have roommates who have been moving out of the apartment house, so I have been trying to get the bathroom and kitchen all neat, tidy, and organized. Soon I’ll have new roommates sharing these areas of the apartment so unfortunately this means cleaning from dawn till dusk. I don’t mind it because to be honest they needed a good cleaning, and with my former roommates out it makes cleaning a lot easier.

Now that I’ve nearly completed this lengthy project I want to return to writing. However my want/need to write is seriously depleting tonight because of utter exhaustion, and of course the heat isn’t helping either. So I decided to write a blog post, part because I haven’t posted anything in a week, and part because it might just give me the energy that I need to work on Dreamer. Speaking of Dreamer what did you think of that last post?

Dang I guess that my curiosity is really popping up tonight, I’m not sure why it is, but no matter. Hope you’re all doing well out there, and are staying cool.