Victimized


I’ve said this once before with a song that wrote in the past, but this song is and will forever be the most personal song that I have ever written. As some of you know I posted a song a couple of years ago that revolved around child molestation; within that song there were many points that I wanted to emphasize and also a message that I wanted to get out there for everyone to see. However I never felt that particular song carried that I message fully; but this afternoon I think that I might have done just that with this new song.

For a child innocence is the most precious thing, with innocence comes magic and belief in the happy ever after.

You are oblivious of the real world, stuck inside a fantasy, dreaming of growing up to be the next Oprah Winfrey.

You feel invincible, you feel as if childhood has a protection charm and that no one could ever do you harm, completely unaware of the monster lurking in the shadows of your own home.

This house was a safe heaven, I use to imagine that it was my castle with its own defenses; guards at every entry and a moat for a little extra security. These castle walls always seemed so impenetrable, but that’s what comes with the innocence.

I only wish I knew then what I know now, maybe that would’ve saved me somehow.

For a child innocence is the most precious thing, but what happens when it’s stolen in the dead of night, what do you do to stop the pain inside?

How can I say that I’ve been victimized? When you’re like blood to me, how could I even begin to explain?

Night after night you’d have your way with me and every time that you’d come near me I would lose my nerve, afraid for my family and what the future would bring. You silenced with threats that brought me to my knees, I can still remember being so afraid of nightfall and going to sleep, wishing that I could have just had the nerve to scream.

(Chorus fourteen years later I’ve learned the importance of using your mouth, no longer am I afraid to speak up and say, that I was victimized by you.

Now that I’m grown I understand that it was you, you were the one who was the monster, and I was your prey. How dare you blame your crimes on me, how dare you ever threaten me or my family, you were the adult who has never taken responsibility for your actions.

I take comfort in knowing that you’ll never again be free; because its people like you who should be locked away for rest of their days.

Ten years old and I could never say what I should have said, you were a monster that kept me quiet, so afraid of you but now I understand that I was victimized by you.)

When you’re young you feel invincible, so sure that nothing could happen to you. Well I’m living proof that just isn’t true.

This world’s a scary place and every child should know that you can’t always be safe and protected, but with the proper training you can spot the evil lurking in the shadows, and run away before it too late.

(Chorus fourteen years later I’ve learned the importance of using your mouth, no longer am I afraid to speak up and say, that I was victimized by you.

Now that I’m grown I understand that it was you, you were the one who was the monster, and I was your prey. How dare you blame your crimes on me, how dare you ever threaten me or my family, you were the adult who has never taken responsibility for your actions.

I take comfort in knowing that you’ll never again be free; because its people like you who should be locked away for rest of their days.

Ten years old and I could never say what I should have said, you were a monster that kept me quiet, so afraid of you but now I understand that I was victimized by you.)

If you’ve been victimized I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Even if the days seem the darkest that they’ve ever been just please understand that they will get better.

You may not think that you can ever be secure and happy, but I know now that it is possible to get that happy ever after.

Coming to a boil


I’m so excited because certain actions that are developing in Dreamer will be opening up the story on a completely different level. I feel that once this fight scene wraps up every little detail is going to deepen, causing certain subplots to darken; which adds more depth to Rebecca and her characteristics as you go through the story.

My sister has told me many times “to embrace the struggle,” because there has surely been times of my life where I’ve dealt with a great deal of struggles; however my methods of getting through them was to get through the days and sometimes complain that those struggles seemed to getting worse and were lasting longer. But was at these moments where I would complain that she’d tell me; the struggle is what tests you and shapes you as a woman and if you can embrace the situation that you are in and deal with it to the best of your abilities until you get through it, then it adds to your character. I agree with all of that and I have found a way to put that lesson into practice within the pages of Dreamer, by so doing I think that it will only make this story that much more powerful and I think that is an important element to have in a book that is heavy with drug addiction. I’d also like to think that by Rebecca reacting in the way that she does will at some point down the line serve as inspiration for her mother to stop using Codeine; because what I’ve learned is that if you do have that correct inspiration, it can help you get clean and make you want to rebuild your life. Because I definitely feel that her daughter should serve as the right inspiration for Kay, and what a better way for someone to see the light than to see it through your children.

Anyway that’s what’s going on in Dreamer at the moment and it should wind up to be a very emotional ride.

20,000 words


I was going to write a post about this yesterday, but I was too distracted from the news of my interview, so I’m talking about it today instead. On Monday night I reached the 20,000 word mark. It’s so exciting, at 10,000 word mark you’re off to a good start, but the 20.000 word mark symbolizes that you are invested in your story, and it is such a good feeling.

Now of course I’ve only got 40,000 more words to go to reach the novel marker; the closest that I have ever come to the 60,000 word mark ranked in at 42,158; which is not a bad strive if you think about it.

Really the most challenging bit about reaching that 60,000 word marker is how much story you have to put into it, if you fall short and you’re not satisfied, then you may need to do a decent amount of revising in order to reach that goal; however you’re satisfied with the work and the time that you’ve invested in your story, then that’s wonderful. Satisfaction with your story is the ultimate goal and if you’re lucky enough to feel that sense of pride at the end of the writing process, then you have done your job well.

I wonder how quickly I’ll reach the 30,000 word mark? I should keep a record of it to track my progress, that would be kind of interesting and fun to do. Well I’ll catch you guys later.

My second author interview


My second interview has been posted and I would like to thank K.J. for approaching me to do this interview, it was a lot of fun.

  1. Tell us a little bit about yourself (this can be personal, profession, or both).

I’m an aspiring author and I’m absorbing all of the knowledge I can that revolves around writing and the publishing industry; while working my latest project.

  1. What are you working on right now?

I am currently in the midst of a first draft for a Young Adult novel titled Dreamer. The novel revolves around a girl who’s on the brink of adulthood, and is doing everything she can to create a better life/future for herself, through the route of a college acceptance letter. While at the same time, trying to survive the rest of the year living with her parents; who both suffer from drug addictions.

  1. Where did your inspiration for this book come from?

I think I had multiple inspirations for this book. The first came from a pile of setbacks with another book that I was working on. The second came from the passing on of my grandmother earlier this year. The third I think being that Dreamer was something new and different than any other story I’ve written in the past. I’ve also had my own personal experiences; where I’ve encountered or have known different people, who have had their own struggles with addiction. So it was the combination of those different instances that have inspired me for this book.

Click the link to see the full interview… http://kjscrim.wordpress.com/2014/09/16/chelsea-brown/ 

Wake up call


This morning I had a lot of laundry to do; which means trips back and forth to the laundry mat because my dryer belt is done. However I was having one of those Monday mornings where getting up and actually functioning was difficult, and I’m positive that my body was still on weekend time. Because of my lack of get up and go, I decided to wait until tomorrow to do the laundry which was good because after I decided to postpone laundry day my neighbor asked me for a favor.

This morning I spent some time with my neighbor’s 4 year-old daughter while  mama bear ran errands. She’s such a happy energetic little thing, who wore out my my little puppy. As a matter of fact I think he’s still sleeping. They were so cute when they were playing together. <3 Later on after Buddy wanted to take a break from the 4 year-old she wanted to watch TV. I’ll tell you something right now I owe my family big time for putting up with me during  my Barney phase; with every singalong I wanted to to put earplugs in my ears. I honestly think that shows like that were meant to drive the adults insane, but at least it kept the little one happy.

The good news from having that exercise this morning is that I’m fully awake and focused. Now to get some work done with Dreamer, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea where I want the story to go, as a result I think that there will be quite a bit of entertaining drama that will keep you sucked in while reading; which of course is always the goal. There’s going to be a fight, there going to be sort of a stand off between the teens and the authority figures, and there will be more subplot twists. This should be very interesting and fun to write indeed.

Everything about you


Ooh, you light up my life like the night sky.

You lift me up when I am too weak, surrounding me with loving warmth every minute.

Honey I don’t know too much about love, but I know that your love is true and I’m thankful for you.

I don’t know where you came from, sometimes I’ll swear, that you dropped down from heaven, just like an angel looking for a soul to guide.

You make me want to believe in love.

(Chorus you’re a pure heart and I feel blessed by you.

The kindest person that I could meet would not be able to hold a candle to you.

You speak right from your soul; have no fears of being hurt, even when I put you on ice you waited so patient.

Baby your world is an open book and you’re truthful to a fault, even when it’s difficult. You see no need to lie; giving me every reason to trust you completely.

I’ve fallen in love with everything about you.)

It’s true that I’ve never met someone like you. As far as people go, I’m usually exposed to the liars and cheats; that usually seek to take advantage of my generosity.

I never thought I’d meet somebody so true and I can’t help but be in awe of you.

You’re the exact opposite of every woman who has walked into my life and I still can’t believe that I wake up with lying by my side.

(Girl you’re something from out of a beautiful dream.)

Hard working, intelligent, and passionate about what you do, oh girl I love every single thing about you.

(Chorus you’re a pure heart and I feel blessed by you.

The kindest person that I could meet would not be able to hold a candle to you.

You speak right from your soul; have no fears of being hurt, even when I put you on ice you waited so patient.

Baby your world is an open book and you’re truthful to a fault, even when it’s difficult. You see no need to lie; giving me every reason to trust you completely.

I’ve fallen in love with everything about you.)

You’ve inspired me to fly, now I’m no longer afraid to soar; chasing after my dreams and I have to thank.

You’ve lit me up like the night sky, lifted me up to new heights, and I can’t believe that I’ve met someone who’s given me love and so much more.

(Chorus you’re a pure heart and I feel blessed by you.

The kindest person that I could meet would not be able to hold a candle to you.

You speak right from your soul; have no fears of being hurt, even when I put you on ice you waited so patient.

Baby your world is an open book and you’re truthful to a fault, even when it’s difficult. You see no need to lie; giving me every reason to trust you completely.

I’ve fallen in love with everything about you.)

It’s true I don’t know where you came from, but I know that you’re heaven sent; with the purest intentions that I will forever cherish.

She-devil


(Intro

I wish I knew how to let you go, I hate that you’ve got this hold on me.
I wish that I could rewind to the day we met and avoid making your acquaintance. It would have been so much easier if our paths had never crossed.
Fuck fate and screw destiny, if you and I were truly meant to be you would be standing right in front me; with arms prepared to embrace me as you wrap me up so tightly.
Girl I’m not exaggerating, not even slightly.
I always felt like we were meant to be but you decided to ditch me so crudely.
I never knew that you could be such a she-devil.)

When we first crossed paths I’ll admit you were my every definition of gorgeous.

Perfect figure, perfect curves that drove me mad, skin tight jeans and looking like you just came from a photo shoot at glamour magazine.

You were everything in a tall sexy package that would have women lined up out the door.  Girl you were so sexy I should’ve known that you’d be bad.

You could’ve seduced any other girl without batting an eyelash, but you locked sights on me, ready to swoop in and destroy me.

You were sweet, you were kind and did everything you could to hide that dark twisted side.

A single conversation was all it took for you to get under my skin and suck me in.

You gave me love that I’d never felt before, but soon enough your halo melted away and transformed into horns.

(Chorus a beautiful woman but deep within pure evil with miniature devil horns.

Eyes red hot like fireballs, damn I should’ve know that you were just another she-devil underneath it all.)

Two timing hurtful too, and as slippery as a snake, I should’ve known to never trust you. It makes want to cry whenever I think of all of those times that you lied to my face.

Sleep, sleep, sleeping away in another woman’s bed every day; while I’m away, every time I’d  call you up asking how was your day? You’d say it was okay but it would have great if you were here. All this time how could I have not noticed that you were leading me astray?

(Chorus a beautiful woman but deep within pure evil with miniature devil horns.

Eyes red hot like fireballs, damn I should’ve know that you were just another she-devil underneath it all.)

I’ll never forget that night, coming home to empty house, you just cleaned me out. A single note was all I found, with it’s over written in the title.

Gave you all of my trust, tried to warm you with my love and now I just don’t understand who could burn me like that, leaving my heart with a permanent scar in the shape of a pitchfork.

(You’re so bad.

So, bad, so bad, so bad.)

Damn,

Three years together and this is how it ends, an engagement ring that’s burning a hole in my hand. I thought you and I would be forever but instead you had other plans.

(Chorus a beautiful woman but deep within pure evil with miniature devil horns.

Eyes red hot like fireballs, damn I should’ve know that you were just another she-devil underneath it all.)

But baby just remember my name when karma comes back around. I know that you think that you’re safe but just remember good always triumphs in the end.

No, no matter how sly you are you can’t escape your fate and you’ll be burned just the same.

(Chorus a beautiful woman but deep within pure evil with miniature devil horns.

Eyes red hot like fireballs, damn I should’ve know that you were just another she-devil underneath it all.)